By the Dawn's Early "Luz"

5/3/06

Are you fucking kidding me?

Seriously, have things gotten so terminally bizarre in this election-year-fueled fervor over immigration that The Star-Spangled Banner being sung in Spanish is considered inflammatory? Is this really something worthy of comment from the President of the United friggin States? It is? Oh sweet mother. . .

Okay, so apparently the release of a Spanish language version of our national anthem has numerous people who need some sort of hobby all up in arms. If you want my theory, I think they're just not having enough sex, but that's just one humble human's opinion. President Bush had this to say on the matter:

"I think the national anthem ought to be sung in English. And I think people who want to be a citizen of this country ought to learn English, and they ought to learn to sing the national anthem in English."

Really? This is the star to which you're hitching your wagon? Sweet good, holy crap. I think people coming to this country should learn English, too, but we have room for all languages as well, and who gives a tadpole's-fuck in what language someone belts out that tune? I have a hard time fathoming this entire mentality from a country where the national anthem is sung in such a phenomenally unique and openly psychotic way at every single baseball game that you can't even properly sing along with the bloody thing. What about the singularly recognizable version Jimmy Hendrix played? That one light a firecracker inside your anus, too?

Does it not strike anyone as mildly ironic that the damn music and melody is "sampled" from a British song about getting hammered?

President Bush has even given addresses in both English and Spanish (Cinco de Mayo, 2001) for God's sake. But no, this one song that most of us are a bit fuzzy on anyway, at least in the extended middle-part (...and the Rumpled, Red Hair?...) is somehow sacred and untouchable, at least insofar as the language goes. Modify the melody, pitch, tempo and style however much you want but insert one line of "Oh, decid: ¿podeis ver, al rayar de la aurora lo" and you're done, Jose!

Somehow I have a feeling this is more about the assumption that Carlos and his entire extended family is going to be living with a goat and a chicken in the attached duplex next to you, taking your glorious grape-picking job and possibly boinking your daughter, than it does with any actual, ingrained patriotism concerning a tune about Old Glory.

Go get laid, people.

Seriously, America; are you fucking kidding me?