Internet Stockers

4/27/06


I know I've been talking a lot lately about some of the more mind-numbing things making their way around the internet, such as yesterday's tirade on mass-emailing economic solutions to our gas prices, but I've been casually getting immersed in this most recent one for almost a week now.

My spam-blocker at work is pretty efficient. I never get any offers to make my penis larger (do you know a good way?) or suggestions that maybe I'd like to look at sweet, sweet nude ladies colloquially called mature by virtue of the fact they can sweep the floor with their breasts. Which is why I was so confused when arriving at work the other day to find an email suggesting, quite kindly and with great enthusiasm, that I invest in this particular stock which was absolutely set to explode!

I ignored the suggestion in much the same way that I might ignore a hunched man in a black coat, grinning and twirling his mustache, asking if I "wouldn't mind coming into this dark alley for a moment?" But they keep coming. Today I noticed that the senders and subject names of these emails are sort of bizarre in a frightening, stab-you-in-the-face kind of way. For example:

Marcus Mcgowan Sub: Antihistamine Senior
Florence Fulton Sub: Lower-Class Sauted
Matthias Pike Sub: Envisage Vertebra
Gwendoline Burris Sub: Rigidly
Muriel Guerra Sub: Pedal Fudge (I think this one is my favorite!)
Elvira Bonner Sub: Doll Jitters

Just what in the bloody blue-fuck is going on here? Near as I can glean, this is some sort of mass-email mailer designed to artificially inflate the stock of new companies trading at under a dollar a share. The result is painfully obvious when you actually check out the stock ticker for some of them over the past few days. Take Sticky Web, Inc, (SIKY) for instance. I received the clearly secret-squirrel, hush-hush email on Monday to get on board with this company which has just gotten into the document imaging game. This little secret internet gem more than tripled from a paltry $0.30 on Monday afternoon to a staggering $0.95 upon the opening bell on Tuesday. Of course, mere moments after that happened the price plummeted back down to about fifty cents per share, and had given back everything it gained by Wednesday afternoon. Why would this happen you may ask? Well, let's take a closer look at the small print information found at the bottom of these demonic emails. I've highlighted some of the choicer morsels for you:

Statements that involve discussions with respect to projections of future events are not statements of historical fact and may be forward looking statements. Don't rely on them to make a decision. The Company is not a reporting company registered under the Exchange Act of 1934. We have received 356,000 free trading shares from a third party not an officer, director or affiliate shareholder. We intend to sell all our shares now, which could cause the stock to go down, resulting in losses for you. This company has: an accumulated deficit, a negative net worth, nominal cash and no revenues in its most recent quarter. It is an operating company. The company is going to need financing to continue as a going concern. A failure to finance could cause the company to go out of business. Read the Companys Annual Report and Information Statement before you invest. This report shall not be construed as any kind of investment advice or solicitation. You can lose all your money by investing in this stock.

This, by the way, ladies and gentlemen, was not actually in fine print; it was bold and beautiful right there, unhidden, at the bottom of the email. Not only are these predators exhibiting the utter contempt for their prey by sending these hyped-up emails, but they are essentially tea-bagging our faces in it by stating, in 12-point English, that they are dumping every ounce of stock they own in this albatross, and you have to be some kind of witless moron to purchase it. That's sort of like a lion chasing down a gazelle and giving it titty-twisters and Indian-burns until the poor devil dies of utter shame and humiliation. Then the lion decides it wasn't hungry after all, shits on the gazelle and sodomizes the corpse. It's rather like that. What total and complete sons-of-bitches.

I have attached a full copy of one of these admittedly hilarious solicitations, and links to stock reporting of all the companies these digital carpet-baggers are hawking. Thank you for your kind attention, but if you'll excuse me, I think my shipment of Bolivian cocaine just arrived.

News was released after the Market close today!

Watch IKMA like a hawk!

Business Gets iKarma

Wednesday April 26, 5:01 pm ET (released after the close today)

Go to yahoo financial and read it now.

iKarma Incorporated

(OTC: IKMA)

IKMA is ground floor

Could IKMAs iKarma become the MySpace of the business community? YOU never know..

Back in January of 2005 at MySpace was trading at $6.46 and later in the year it got bought out by News Corp for $580 million or more than $12 per share!

While MySpace is a social networking site that allows you to see how friends are connected to each other, iKarma allows you to see how businesses are connected to each other.

iKarma Inc. specializes in providing reputation and customer feedback systems for businesses and professionals. iKarmas mission is to help create prosperity and commerce by bringing greater trust and opennes to business transactions. iKarma is a proud member of WOMMA, The Word of Mouth Marketing Association.

Got to Yahoo now and read the news that was released just yesterday and today. Interviews with the CEO are available right now. Do you research and start WATCHING this one immediately. Will it go crazy Thursday morning?

Information within this report contains forward looking statements within the meaning of Section 27A of the Securities Act of 1933 and Section 21B of the SEC Act of 1934. Statements that involve discussions with respect to projections of future events are not statements of historical fact and may be forward looking statements.

(The rest of this is included in the terrifically amusing fine print above.)


iKarma - IKMA.PK

Sticky Web Inc SIKY.PK

China World Trade CWTD.OB