A Trifecta of Annoyance

5/9/06

This day has not started out optimistically. First and most troubling, it seems that there may have been some chaos molecules transferred from my girlfriend's house to mine, as we didn't actually attain consciousness until 7 am, a full forty-five minutes after she wanted to get up. I am rapidly running out of arguments against her idea that a group of vengeful gods are out to get her. I think it's Loki.

Second, I put together this dramatically dashing outfit which I even took the trouble of ironing last night instead of my usual method of rooting through things that may or may not be clothing piled in the corner of the room in search of something with the least amount of semen on it. I even donned a rather pleasing new tie which I purchased this weekend. Apparently owing to the fact that I am a huge dufus, thirty seconds after actually getting the necktie the perfect length on the first try, I promptly took a drink of Sprite and spilled a nice 8-inch line of sugar water down the front of the garment. It looked like a large vagina of moisture had taken up residence on my stomach. I think I've managed to exercise a fair amount of damage control, but I won't really know until it dries later this morning and gauge the success from the level of mockery employed by my coworkers.

Third, it's raining. Normally this would cause most humans no undue trauma, provided they weren't made of gingerbread, but as those of you who are faithful readers know, my automobile's driver's side window is permanently stuck in the "down" position. The motor inside the door does produce a sort of whining, squelchy sound whenever engaged, but the glass steadfastly refuses to rise to the occasion. I picture it in there with its little hands pressed against the sides of the door like a disgruntled Santa Clause refusing to exit the chimney.

Usually I'm pretty good about checking the local weather the night before to avoid such horrific surprises as mopping out three inches of standing water from my seat, but apparently I failed to do so last night. Currently covering the open maw of my window out in the parking lot is the magical protective properties of an old towel I draped over the door. Behold the water-repelling power of cotton.

For this and so many more reasons (not the least of them being the vehicle looks like something pulled from an underwater forensics investigation) I'm going to purchase a new car in the near future. As for the other random acts of terror in my life, the Universe and I are going to have a little chat about that later this evening. But, to really put things into perspective, I should remember that these minor, trivial annoyances with which I wrestle sort of pale in comparison to, oh, I dunno; a soldier stationed in Iraq or the slow-burn genocide being exacted upon millions of people in Darfur. And I can take comfort in the fact that my girlfriend and I are planning absolutely nothing this evening other than going over to her place, watching movies and cuddling on the couch. She'll just have to wait for me to wring myself out (like an old, rain-soaked towel?) after the drive over there. Fucking rain.