Skip the Humane Society

5/26/06


I know that a lot of you probably think I'm the funniest person I know and, naturally, you're spot-on. But many of my friends are funny people as well. For instance, check out the email conversation my roommate Aaron (MySpace handle -- Grandmaster Thwiz) had with one of his coworkers yesterday:


From: Carrie
Subject: Beagle pups

Anybody want one? My mom's friend has 7 to give away. I don't know any more about them right now, but I can get more details if you're interested.



From: Aaron Thweatt
Subject: RE: Beagle pups

I need one for batting practice.



Carrie: you're a bastard.

Aaron: wow. I meant to fetch my baseballs after I hit them!

Carrie: sure you did

Aaron: I sure did. I love dogs! You are just taking everything wrong today.

Carrie: Okay. So do you want a boy or a girl pup?

Aaron: I would like to bash in the brains, er...I mean love one of each gender.

Carrie: SEE! I knew you're really a cold-blooded puppy killer!



One can almost hear the sounds of demonic laughter echoing through the cubicles.

Oh, and don't worry, this isn't the only post I'm putting up today; I just thought I'd whet your appetite. For an appetizer, why not enjoy these short tidbits, deep fried and lovingly served with sun-brewed mayonnaise:



Three Things That Don't Bother Me Enough To Write A Full Paragraph About


1) People who clap for way, way too long. Especially when it's just one guy clapping, and he's not even doing it in a sarcastic way. That's just creepy and uncomfortable.

2) Whenever someone brings a baby into the office it's like watching kernels in hot oil as the (especially single and middle-aged) women pop up in a desperate scramble to get at the child. You can almost hear their wombs ticking.

3) People who drive the two hundred yards or so from our office to McDonalds. If I ever hear one of these cardiovascularly challenged individuals complain about their weight, I might have to shoot them directly in the face.